Germany

Finally, after several weeks of being hit by the ugly trip stick, I got an international trip.. which is what I prefer.. longer layovers and the option of purchasing duty free on the way home! I knew a good trip was coming.. after so many crappy ones. I am starting to suspect that the company has a formula of bad trips to good, which can maximize the flight attendant abuse they can deliver, while retaining employees, with the random and rare good trip reward...

When I was studying Psychology, I remember learning that researchers can motivate rats to continue pressing a food releasing lever for longer if payout was random, than if it was consistent or absent.. Much like how old ladies will sit at the slot machines in Vegas for hours.. waiting for random payouts...

so basically,, we are like the rats! or ladies in Vegas! *&^% trip, **&^% trip, good trip, ((&(*&& trip, *&%$# trip...

This is why I am still in this rodents' cage of a job, 7 years later!

Anyway, Germany was good.. When we arrived our hotel rooms were not ready... so we lounged around the lobby looking very disheveled. The staff took pity on us and gave us croissants and mimosas. I believe this is because they overheard us uttering threats of changing into pajamas and laying down in the lobby... (and believe me, it wouldn't be a collectively pretty picture).. so they were trying to appease us...

I slept most of the day, went out for a walk, a quick workout, and then down to the bar for a proper debriefing.. We went to a wine bar and restaurant downtown which was good.. and then to bed, to toss and turn and try to force sleep so I could function on the flight home... and God, what a nightmare that was.. I had to work in "the Village" (coach)... I am still suffering a little.. I knocked over a plant in my room, my uniform is in a heap, and there are gummy bears everywhere... which I ripped open in my jetlagged stupor. Oh well! It's ok, because I feel a bit better today than yesterday.. and I am sure I will feel almost normal before I have my next trip, starting the cycle again!

open wide!

There was an interesting article in the Wall Street Journal today, about a debate brewing over whether it is ethically wrong to "sedate" children for flights....on one side, parents who didn't want a screaming, whining, over- tired child, crying and kicking seat backs for hours... on the other side, people who think it is irresponsible to "drug" a child.... Well those who know me probably guess I am on the pro sedation side... The child gets a nap, other passengers are not disturbed, and the crew is obviously happier. I imagine some parents could feel guilty over doing this... the same parents who think any amount of tv will decrease their child's IQ, and have their baby preparing for their SATs before they cut teeth.
For goodness sake, nobody is saying to give them Xanax or Valium! Heck no! save those precious pills for yourself! Just a little children's Benadryl or Dramamine will do the trick. If they still feel guilty giving their child a little chemical advantage, they can easily alleviate that guilt by justifying it with the knowledge that these same drugs will lessen ear pain, or motion sickness, depending on which you choose.

If you don't want to use drugs, I don't know, maybe Grandpa was a raging addict, and you fear a genetic predisposition for little Johnny,,, try deception. On my flight yesterday was a very resourceful man who had his little girl, around age 6 with him. He took a F/A from my crew aside and said "I told my daughter flight attendants give prizes at the end of the flight if children are exceptionally good" and then handed my co-worker a little snow globe to give her! Sure enough, she was as sweet as pie, more please's and thank you's than were heard in all of first class during that 2 hour flight, from the much larger children up there. I think it is a great idea. For any smug judgmental parents reading this and thinking deception is wrong... tell me this... Do you not have santa or the tooth fairy visiting your home? Both are a much less likely story....

So, as a flight attendant and former nanny, I do suggest a healthy dose of Benadryl or deception inflight.

The photo is of my friend's precious baby Myah. Daddy is a pilot, so Myah is already a seasoned traveler. Her mama, a good friend of mine, not only endorses baby Benadryl, but also probably a binky dipped in brandy as a chaser!

Easter egg hangover?

I did not get on my flight home.. it was full. I could have taken the jumpseat, but did not want to sit on it for 4 1/2 hours... I hate jumpseating... you can't watch a movie, and I always feel like I am in the working crews way... so I opted to just come home.. I am going to attempt spring cleaning again... That has been on my to- do list for weeks.... I read something in In Style magazine recently that featured a how-to guide on cleaning out your closets and home... Basically it said if you don't love it and haven't used it for a year or more, pitch it (or give it away).I somehow find this very hard to do. I will hold up a blouse, that I have not worn in 2 years, and ask the question, "do I love you? Have I used you in the last year"? Well how do I know if I am in love with it or not? What if it is like a relationship, with ups and downs, and I am just about to rekindle something with it? and what if after I dump it, I feel the way one does about 2 months after a break-up... missing someone, and crying over the good times, forgetting about the way seeing them clip their toenails made you want to run for the hills.

I have a real hard time with regret and nostalgia, so I think that is why I have a hard time spring cleaning.. maybe if I have a drink or 2 beforehand I will feel a little less inhibited and can actually make some progress.

In the meantime, I am suffering from an Easter Cream Egg hangover! I remember being little, and eating a good 6 of them at a go. Well I had one last night, and it was pretty challenging to get it down. It was almost painful in a pleasure/pain way. My teeth hurt and mouth watered. I actually had to lay down for a while after... I guess I am really getting old... not only are hangovers worse, but so are Easter egg hangovers...

Tomorrow I am still off, and Tuesday I am good for a 3 day... I looked in the computer and there are a couple of Hawaii's and a Japan that I could be good for. Want the Hawaii.

Margarita Madness

Tequilla... I don't think it's my friend. I will need to remember that as the summer weather arrives, and the blenders come out. I must be getting old, as it is almost 8 pm, and I am still feeling a bit fuzzy after last night. I went to spend the night with a friend,and since it was such a nice night we made "margs" to drink on his deck...I guess after a couple strong ones and no dinner, I became slightly accident prone. I walked right into his screen door onto the deck, and knocked it right off it's hinges. Somehow I managed not to drop my marg in the process. The screen door falling onto the deck made a pretty big racket. I thought I was going to be in big trouble, and didn't know how I was going to be able to put the door back together in 5 seconds, while drunk. It was the strangest thing too.. the radio on the deck was playing this song with the lyrics "she walked right through the door....she walked right through the door" at that very moment! I didn't know whether to run and get Rob so he could hear the song, or try to fix the door before he came out. Even if I had gotten the thing back on it's hinges, there was evidence of what happened on my face... dirt from the screen on my forehead and nose.... so it turned out to be a bit of a gong show. I honestly felt kind of stoned when I heard that song playing though, it was that strange.

Tomorrow I am going to try to fly home to have Easter at my dad's. The loads look pretty full.. I hope I don't go out to the airport for nothing!

Intervention

I am in decompression from a rather ugly domestic 2 day... Nothing a couple of glasses of red can't soothe.... I did have a bit of a wake up call though... worked one leg with a lady who must have been late 50's .. but had that quality that some have that makes age hard to place. Is she 60? a bad 49? 112? Anyway, bless her heart, she was the epitomy of what you fear you may become in your deepest, most secret anti-fantasies. Stew-hag... tent sized uniform dress, strange brooch on her dress of a cat flying an airplane? disheveled... unpredictable with passengers.. this lady was pretty much crackers....nothing I had not seen before... not nearly as nutty as the lady I flew to Sydney with about 2 years ago who had a mustache, and cornered me in the first class galley showing me photos of her 18 or so African grey parrots. but still, sad. Anyhow, I sat next to this lady on my jumpseat, and I just got a sad vibe from her... lonliness, and regrets. She started talking about her weight and how she used to be 118 lbs, when she started flying... she mentioned some other things. I looked over at her and felt sorry for her. She had her (this is the worst bit) Harlequin romance novel on her lap, and take-out sandwich in a bag beside her. and I had a flash of insight. I bet she was pretty and vibrant when she was younger... and had probably had a few hot lovers. I bet she can't explain how time flew, and a proffesion once viewed as glamorous became unappreciated,underpaid, and sometimes ridiculed. Anyway, I made a little promise to myself... to do this for a bit longer, but not to make it the be-all end-all of my existance. God help me if I ever have a Harlequin romance novel on my size 18 lap while sitting on my jumpseat.

If any of my family members are reading my blog tonight... Please... if I don't quit, on my own, in the next 2 years, set a date, don't tell me of it, and on that day, execute an intervention. Much like you would if I joined a Polygamist cult. Come and get me and hand in my resignation. Sedate me, remove all cat pins and pictures from my possesion, and take me somewhere tranquil. I am sure, free of hypoxia, pretzels, and polyester, I will come to my senses. Consider this your permission slip!!

On Call

Well, I guess I got off the hook today... They didn't fly me. I have never really learned to enjoy a day on call though.. I am checking my phone every 5 minutes. I woke up this morning spooning my very fat cat, my cell phone, and my home phone. I don't care what anyone says, but that is not a normal love life. I did laundry, packed, and wandered around in my housecoat... making toast and watching "The View". Hey, now that I think about it, today was actually a good day! I am already nostalgic about it!! I have a pink fuzzy robe, kind of like those soft socks, but it is a housecoat! It is like wearing one big soft sock around the house. I complete the look with my beloved sock monkey slippers, that I got at Target in January. I love them so much. I think my roommates, who are "normal people" with normal jobs, resent my sock monkey slippers. While they are getting ready for work, They can hear me slippering around the house, making coffee and getting ready for Oprah... hee hee... Hey, there have to be some job perks here! 7 years darn it!

Operation Chicken Rescue

3 days off... Thank God... after a 3 day domestic nightmare trip, I need it just to recover. I was feeling particularly cranky on this last trip. The things that normally just make me roll my eyes and snicker were causing near catastrophic increases in blood pressure, and frequent "I quit" fantasies. Nothing out of the norm, just the usual, the hiding of the ipod between legs, (I can see the backlight shining, clearly it is on after our electronic devices announcement has been made). The stand still or near crawl on the moving walkway.... I am not really a type A person, and don't want it to come across that way, but doesn't a moving walkway insinuate "walking"? I am sure people might have somewhere to go, like to another city or country, if they are at an airport? Oh well, I have to resolve myself to the fact that I will see these things over and over. This job is just like the movie groundhogs day. Just different crews, different cities, different hotel bars. At least my crew was cool. We invented a new charity. We called it "operation chicken rescue". After a 12 hour + duty day, with no scheduled crew meal, (apparently we are robots).. And nothing but pretzels for us, I felt a bad case of either scurvy or rickets coming on. I took a peek at our first class catering.. salads with sliced chicken breast. Then I took a look at the passengers, quite nice, but I noticed several had visible rolls hanging over their seatbelts. That's when I decided on operation chicken save. Just one small slice of chicken breast per 12 entrees, and we could literally build a new chicken breast each per crewmember! It was a win/ win situation. The crew eats, the passengers have forcibly controlled portions, and the whole aircraft has a much more balanced mean blood sugar level. I didn't feel bad about it at all! Anyway, it is a beautiful day and I need to get some fresh air and sunshine before I am sent back into a tube..